MamaBlogger365: The Mind of a Woman Exposed by Catalina Florina Florescu, Ph.D.
What’s inside me? If I were to pick four visual elements, they would be …
A tree, because I think there is a tree of knowledge that grows inside me; because every single time I ingest a seed (be it from an apple or a pear or a grape), I imagine that something else will turn inside my body; because the body is a land that needs to be planted and/or whose crops are proportionally dependent on the care we show; because I am curious to discover; because I know my “winters” and how the winds howl through my empty branches, but I also know my “springs” when I am, by birth, in bloom. Inside me there is a magnolia tree, a fir tree, and a bonsai tree — all surrounded by a magnificent bamboo garden.
A heart, because it’s the spot where I hear my childhood pouring in my veins, circulating inside me like on a hectic highway; because it helps me to stand still after all my recurrent pain; because my grandma once told me, “I wanted to die, but my heart just did not let go of me”; because if there is no passion in this life, we are as dull as a toothpick; because I have plunged into this field of narrative medicine on account of mother’s cancer, a field to which I dedicate my heart (or part for the whole of my being).
An hourglass, because I know I am here for a limited time; I always hear the tick-tock of my death (and yet I am not scared); because the body is often turned inside out, upside down; because of the small orifice that connects the two parts of the hourglass and lets the sand travel back and forth through that barely visible passage; because the hourglass is the essence of life, a step away from death (the unavoidable tandem).
A cloud, because there I dream to meet my parents and grandma again; my other lost ones, too; my now family soon to be dissolved as well; a cloud because I think I dream of mom (especially) almost every single night; and then I think of father who loved me deeply; a cloud because of cotton candy which I once ate and immediately requested a second one; a cloud because Heaven should be somewhere, and there life broken in tiny pieces and bad ones tossed aside. I cannot possible imagine Heaven as having two scales, bad and good, in constant, vain effort of keeping an elusive balance.
Bio: Catalina Florina Florescu, Ph.D., is our newest monthly contributor. She holds her doctoral degree in comparative literature. She is the author of Transacting Sites of the Liminal Bodily Spaces.
MamaBlogger365 is a blogging project coordinated on behalf of the Museum of Motherhood, now open in New York City! Exhibits, events, a Meet the Expert series, playgroups, arts programs and more – visit MOMmuseum.org for hours and info.