By Joy Rose

It was one week ago today that I barreled down Route 17 on my way back from Geneva, NY after picking my son up from college.  Geneva sits about ten miles away from Seneca Falls, New York. It’s a beautiful spot nestled in the finger lakes of upstate New York and, if you don’t already know, its home to the American Suffrage Movement.

Dr. Bernice Resnick Sandler, House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, Jeanne Giovannini, Beverly Ryder

My next stop was approximately three hundred and forty two miles away in the District of Columbia. The National Women’s Hall of Fame was hosting a reception at the Sewall-Belmont House and Museum, which is home to theNational Women’s Party.

Dr. Bernice Resnick Sandler, House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, Jeanne Giovannini, Beverly Ryder

The Hall of Fame, 2013 inductees, Democratic LeaderNancy Pelosi and Dr. Bernice Resnick Sandler, were being honored and I really wanted to be in Washington and feel the incredible power of my sister’s accomplishments.

I also wanted to meet and congratulate the Board of Directors who makes The National Women’s Hall of Fame possible. The Hall of Fame has been honoring extraordinary women for over forty years and bringing national attention to the Seneca Falls: Beth Quillen Thomas, Beverly Ryder, Marilyn P. Bero, Ellen Riddleberger, Jeanne Giovannini and others.

After fabulously inspiring speeches by a gorgeous list of luminaries, I floated back to my hotel to rest.

Next day, up and atom; lunch with famed author Ann Crittenden, who’s so lovely, smart and wise, and Valerie Young, Advocacy Coordinator for National Association of Mother’s Centers. As you can imagine the conversation surged back and forth between women and equality, politics and policy and of course, The Price of Motherhood.

I made a quick stop at AAM to meet Lauren Silberman, who was our grant coordinator for the 2013 MAP Grant for M.O.M. then toured the National Museum of Women in the Arts briefly. I got a beautiful buzz from being in the space and envisioning the Museum of Motherhood expanding to a legacy-inspiring structure and left with just enough energy to crawl home.

Sunday, May 19^th found me in Manhattan in the rain, organizing the 10^th annual Mamapalooza Festival at Riverside Park South. This extraordinary event, which features women-owned businesses and services for families, historically has about ten thousand people in attendance. It rained hard. All day. But, the Mom Rockers prevailed singing songs that kept us enlivened and entertained.

Monday, I started a five-week graduate level course in ‘Mothering Studies’ out of Minnesota State University taught byJocelyn Stitt. I’m in the company of six other women who are

Phyllis Chesler

as intrigued as I am about maternal theory and the social construct of Motherhood.

Last night, dinner and drinks at Phyllis Chesler’s house to meet candidate Jessica Lappin who’s running for Manhattan Borough President. She’s running on a platform of LGBT rights, women’s health, and family’s access to education and senior rights.

I’m running on empty, but so, so happy and filled to the brim with gratitude that life has allowed me to find my course. The course I’m running follows the history of great women who have had the courage insist on change when it serves to elevate equality. I’ve spent years searching for my feminist sisters, trying to put words to that voice that sometimes felt like a frustrated wail in the face of social stereotypes that keep women marginalized. Women, and more specifically mothers, need so much more support and respect for all they do.

While there are still miles to go, in some ways, I have thankfully, arrived!

 Joy Rose is the Founding Director of the Museum of Motherhood in NYC. Write her at MOMmuseum@gmail.com

Induction weekend at the National Women’s Hall of Fame is October 12th in Seneca Falls, NY. You can purchase tickets online and view information about inductees and activities here.

There’s no other person, venue or destination I can correlate more for this holiday that Joy Rose, Founder and Director of the Museum of Motherhood.  I knew I wanted to write a tribute to mothers for Mother’s Day and it was obvious to me (and will be for you) why this woman and her cause should forever be aligned with the celebration of the female miracle.

Joy Rose, Founder and Director M.O.M.

Joy Rose has always been a pioneering woman in advocating for women’s rights and value in society the conventional and unconventional way. In the 90′s, after having four children,  she started one of the first mom’s rock band, Housewives on Prozac.  The name of the band was in response to her societal observation of motherhood. She noticed that many moms became overwhelmed and/or simultaneously underwhelmed after having kids and got lost in caring for others; they forgot to nurture their own creativity and self and therefore many times had to turn to external stimulants. Joy was lucky – her Prozac was music.

Read full article.

There are still spots available to join @Aimee Brill of @Doula Trainings International for an amazing 3-Day Birth Doula Training here at @Museum of Motherhood on May 17th-19th. They are thrilled to have @Latham Thomas-MamaGlow joining them as a guest speaker too. Join DTI’s 9-month certification program and be supported through the process of becoming a doula from the very beginning. Help change the culture of birth and embark on this fulfilling path to support women, babies, and families today!

Our 9 month Labor Support Certification Program Includes:

• An all inclusive 9 month program of training, certification and mentorship
• Certification Manual
• Training Binder and additional handouts
• A comprehensive 3-day doula training workshop led by a DTI Trainer and Mentor
• 9 teleclasses to deepen your understanding of our work as doulas and to continue your education after the initial 3 day workshop. Your DTI trainer and other experts in the field lead these calls.
• Assistance with marketing yourself, building a client base, learning interviewing skills, and managing the business side of being a doula
• As needed check-in calls with your trainer/mentor to share your experiences and challenges working as a new doula
• Free membership to our tribe and an online community of DTI doulas
• Free certification submission
• Certification for life! Once you are certified through DTI you never have to recertify.
• **SPECIAL OFFER:  If you take a training during the spring of 2013, in addition to everything above, our program will also include enrollment into the My Birth Business Rocks program FOR FREE! This is a 7 week class series with the wonderful women, Karen Brody and Stephanie Dawn. And it’s valued at $497. Sign up now before their spring class series begins!

If you are looking to be CERTIFIED through DTI, students must complete the following requirements during the 9-month program:

• Attend a 3 day training with a DTI Trainer. Click here for upcoming dates.  Participants will be ready to work as a labor support doula immediately following the three days.
• Participate in all of our monthly calls after your training for support and discussion.  Expect to create community, become inspired and continue your education each month with those from your training.
• Provide documentation of attendance at 3 births.
• Participate in our mentorship program that provides students with ongoing support throughout the certification process.  This includes (but is not limited to) the monthly calls facilitated by your trainer and/or mentor.
• Read and demonstrate a working knowledge with your mentor of all required reading materials.
• Attend a breastfeeding class
• Attend a Childbirth Education Class
• Create a business strategy outline or attend a small business workshop
• Create a list of resource referrals from your home community
• An essay on your journey and desire to become a doula
• An essay demonstrating your knowledge about the role of labor support

DTI is committed to guide you through this journey as you discover the joys and fulfillment of becoming a doula.

The cost of our 9 month program is $897. Upon registering for the training the certification manuals will be sent to you via email attachment in PDF format.

Upcoming Dates

• NYC: May 17th-19th, 2013 @ Museum of Motherhood 401 E 84th St NY, NY
• Syracuse, NY: April 26-28, 2013 @ TBA
• San Francisco Bay Area:  May 17-19th, 2013 @ Power of Birth in San Rafael, CA–Registration closed! 
• Miami, FL: July 26-28, 2013 @ The Counseling Group 

Payment Options

• One payment: Full amount $897.00

http://www.doulatrainingsinternational.com/labor-support-doula-certification

Queer Parenting – Can We Stop Acting Like it’s Something New?

We can all recite the cultural fairy tale about the American family. A man and a woman meet one another, date and fall in love. Wait – let’s really go for the fairytale stereotype. He’s handsome and tall. She’s pretty and petite, perhaps just a few years younger than he. He has a good paying job and hers is fulfilling if not well-paid. They have a big wedding with lots of photos in their fancy clothes – white dress, fine suit, smiling family and friends. They marry and buy a house together and have two children – the boy is born first and then a girl. Ideally, this is how it goes.

Even if we find the fairy tale foolish and think there’s nothing wrong with non-adherence, this story is in our cultural consciousness. No one reading that scenario fails to recognize it and thus, we are each aware of where our family deviates from it. We live in comparison to it. And therefore, it takes awareness and effort to develop public policies to normalize a range of families. It takes effort to be a non-adherent who still takes pride in having a happy family. Further, if this is indeed what your family looks like – more or less – it’s tough not to act like you’re normal and others aren’t. It’s tough not to act like you “deserve” the “good life” and everyone else is just a little sad in the ways they don’t measure up.

Now back to reality. Realities – plural. Here’s the truth of it: Sometimes people meet and marry and have children. Often, people start having sex with one another before marriage and sometimes children result. Sometimes marriages involve sexual fidelity – sometimes not. Sometimes multiple sexual partners are a planned part of loving relationships, sometimes not. And any combination of those people can create children, or not. Some people have children without marrying. Some people can’t have their own children because neither of them is able to give birth – either because of their own fertility or because both of them are the same gender. Yes, sometimes people of the same gender have sex, and fall in love, and sometimes they even marry – either because gay marriage is legal where they live or they gain state support by concealing or changing one of their genders in order to conform to cultural norms. All of this has been happening for all of recorded time. All of it. Families are complex and we construct them both in accordance with and in opposition to cultural norms and laws.

Much of America has been watching the discussion and testimonies about gay marriage, thanks to the Supreme Court’s examination of the Defense of Marriage Act and the legality of Proposition 8. Reporters and commentators don’t often help their audiences to see public policies and practices – such as marriage – as a way for government to apply structure to the myriad ways that humans find to construct their lives and interpersonal relationships. It might help if we started thinking that way and asking ourselves who benefits from our current sanctioning of certain relationships. If we truly want everyone’s children to prosper – not just those children who are born into a socially acceptable family – then we could learn to cozy up to the realities of families and the realities of gender roles. There are now and always have been myriad ways to raise healthy, happy children. It’s not up to politics to allow family diversity, or not allow it. Policies and politics matter to queer families (and other non-normative families) because they help children access resources and opportunities and to feel that their country values them. And that’s good for everyone.

Some participants in public discussions are acting as though queer people have only recently been given the option to have children – as though it’s a right that must be bestowed by some outside group or government. It is only this way of thinking that makes queer parenting seem abnormal. The reality is that there are a certain number of children born in a society and not all of them are wanted or cared for by the people who made them. There are a certain number of adults who can and/or want to care for children and if we’re wise, we’ll support them to do so and improve at the task as they go. It’s best for all concerned.

In past times, if two men or two women wanted to have a child, they simply needed to find a family member or friend who had a child that wasn’t being adequately parented. People make their own arrangements to parent – even now – and certainly historically. And further, two women who want to parent and have the means to do so have always been capable of carrying off the deed as long as one of them was fertile. I’m not talking about artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization here. Those are modern developments. Throughout human history, women have become pregnant independent of long-term relationships with men. To put it bluntly, sperm is free at any bar. A woman may not have her pick of the sires, but if she’s willing to lower her standards, our cultural practices around male and female sexuality almost ensure her success.

So, what are we really saying when we discuss whether or not queer people should be “allowed” to have families? We’re discussing whether we’re going to let children in queer families have the social support and opportunities of other children who come from family structures we legally recognize and have rendered somehow “right” and “beautiful” and “worthy.”

That’s a fairy tale, and it’s time to wake up and construct policies that respond supportively to ALL of the ways humans can think to create families. We do that by accepting the reality of human diversity and acknowledging that children and parenting are really pretty great and that when kids are allowed to get back to the business of discovering the world, rather than managing hatred and bigotry, we all benefit.

This column was originally published on Ms. Magazine’s blog.

Kimberly Dark is a writer, performer and sociology professor. While she is still telling stories of his childhood, her favorite son is now a graduate student at University of Chicago, having fascinating adventures of his own. Learn more at www.kimberlydark.com.

MamaBlogger365 is a blogging project coordinated on behalf of the Museum of Motherhood, now open in New York City! Exhibits, events, a Meet the Expert series, playgroups, arts programs and more – visit MOMmuseum.org for hours and info.